3 ИЗБОРИ, КОИТО ЗАВИСЯТ ЕДИНСТВЕНО ОТ НАС, ЗА ДА БЪДЕМ ЩАСТЛИВИ

„Не можем да бъдем щастливи, ако търсим щастието в неща, които не зависят от нас.“ – Епиктет 

Днес по време на един бизнес форум ме попитаха: „Ваня, като сте щастлив човек, означава ли, че не се ядосвате? … Отговорих: „Щастието е състояние на духа, гневът или фрустрацията са моментни емоции, предизвикани от определена и конкретна ситуация“.

Всъщност в тази статия искам да разгледам разликата между това как/като какви се определяме и избираме да бъдем и как на тази дефиниция влияят ежедневните битови (и не толкова) преживявания.

От нас зависи

как  ще отразим негативните емоции и в каква степен ще допуснем те да ни разстроят. Представете си, че днес в офиса колега ви обвини за нещо, което не сте направили вие.

Какво е първото чувство, което ви обзема? – гняв, обида, безсилие … Чувството ви за справедливост е накърнено, както и егото ви.

Как реагирате? – вариациите са различни, според детайлите и темперамента ви и все пак възможностите са ограничени—отвръщате на обидата, нападате, като вадите „скелети от гардероба“, запазвате привидно самообладание и си  оставяте „отмъщението“ за по-късно, затваряте се и страдате тихо.

В случая единственото, което зависи от вас е как ще приемете думите на колегата, защото определено НЕ зависи от вас какви са конкретните му думи/поведение.

Как можете да преработите тази негативна емоция? – да отложите „неволно“ отговора, като отидете да си наплискате лицето с вода или просто кажете, че в момента имате важна задача и по-късно ще обсъдите случая и разбира се да направите всичко възможно да разберете какво точно се е случило. За да можете да извършите тези действия обаче има няколко необходими условия—да не страдате от свръхчувствително Его, да сте балансиран и здравомислещ човек, да сте открили и приели, че гневът не само „харчи“ енергия, но е и лош съветник. Следващата голяма крачка—когато проведете разговора първо да го направите, след като емоциите ви са се уталожили и второ, да обсъждате само фактите и поведението на колегата ви, в никакъв случай неговата личност.

От нас зависи

да се фокусираме върху положителното, вместо върху отрицателното.

Гневът активира амигдалата, чиито функции са свързани с негативни чувства като гняв, страх и тревожност. Амигдалата от своя страна провокира хипоталамуса, който задейства надбъбречната жлеза, която пък от своя страна отделя три вида хормони—кортизол, адреналин и нороадреналин, които ни рамкират в действията „борба или бягство“.

Знаейки тази информация върху какво избирате да се съсредоточите, имайки предвид, че сте напълно наясно с последствията? – погрижете се за себе си и се обичайте. Най-ефективният начин да направите това е като се дистанцирате от ситуацията и съумеете да погледнете на нея (включително и на себе си) през очите на неутрален и безстрастен наблюдател. Освен да уталожите емоциите си и да решите казуса на рационално, освободено от емоции ниво, ще разширите кръгозора си и ще видите още много и различни решения/реакции.

 

От нас зависи

да приемем, че СМЕ несъвършени човешки същества и постоянно допускаме грешки и в този ред на мисли бихме могли да се подкрепим по няколко начина:

 

  •  Първо—да сведем очакванията към другите и най-вече към себе си до минимум, докато напълно се освободим от тях или поне не допускаме да ни влияят;

  • Второ—да осъзнаем, че ежедневните битовизми са точно това—битовизми и е здравословно да се отнасяме към тях като такива, а не като към екзистенциални неудовлетворености;
  •  Трето—с постоянство да се грижим за състоянието на духа си, не само защото древните гърци са казали „Здрав дух в здраво тяло“, но най-вече защото всъщност … „Няма път към щастието…. Щастието е пътят.“ – Буда.

ОСТАНЕТЕ щастливи!

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